"Should I have a baby?"
"Should I go to college?"
"How am I going to pay for college?"
"What do I even want to go to college for?"
"Why am I already 30!?!"
When I am upset it feels like the end of the world, but as I sit here and type it I find it funny. I just laugh at myself! It's so silly to get upset about a lot of these things. The Air Force won't pay for ALL my college till Cody has been in for 6 years. Well that's fine for the someone younger, but that puts me at 36 years old. OUCH! I don't even like thinking about that number! I don't have a problem working to put myself through college, it's just crappy that I could have it paid for if I just waited. Oh well. I am also leaning towards degree's and studies that I feel are way beyond my brain power! I have been looking at studying Biology or Environmental Science. I really want a career where I can help change the world and help the planet. I am still undecided on what I am most interested in.
Cody and I have been together almost 9 years now and I ask myself, "How long are you going to wait?" and "Didn't we have enough time together without a baby?" I know it will change our lives so much, but I think we would be awesome parents. We already talk about when we plan to take our kid to Disney World! I want to be vegan longer and get a doctor who won't criticism my diet and my life choices before getting pregnant. Also we will be moving again early next year. I think once we move, that would be a good time to start trying. Will I feel this way then? Who knows! LOL I just don't want to be moving while pregnant or moving an infant.
Anyways, that's where I'm at right now. We are also planning a Disney World vacation for late September! We were going to go on a road trip out to California, but Cody's heart was set on going to the "Happiest Place on Earth"! I am super excited also. We need a vacation together. All my trips and sight seeing has been without him since he joined the Air Force. I am excited to see what the month of June brings us. We hope to do a lot of biking this month, go see the Rocky Mountains with our new friends and just get outdoors more!
We are so in the same frame of mind right now. I have plagued by the same school and baby thoughts too. I'll be 32 next year so I constantly hear that clock ticking in the back of my brain. I always wanted to get my master's degree once I finished my bachelor's but I can't decide what to study and I keep thinking that it's time to start a family and put school on the back burner. All these questions are so hard sometimes, but then I think that I should just enjoy life day to day and do my best to make it all work. I need to stop worrying about that stupid ticking clock. I've also had that desire to study things that I think are far beyond my ability. I took the safe way through my bachelor's and studied something I knew I could ace. I do not regret my degree but with hindsight I realize that I could have been capable of so much more. College is more about the passion and effort you put into the subject you're studying rather than having all the 'smarts.' So I say go for it. Study something that you're passionate about because you'll love every day and it won't matter how old you are or how hard it is. It will just click.
ReplyDeleteCody tells me all the time that I can learn anything. I guess since I have been out of school for over 10 years now, it's like starting OVER. Which is fine really. I will say that I lean towards having a baby and staying home to work on an online degree at the same time. I know all about the "clock is ticking" crap. I honestly think you'll KNOW when the time is right. Everyone says you can't plan a baby, but I believe you have to at least have that feeling of excitement. I know that no time is "perfect", but not wanting to put a baby through a move as an infant and having to pack all the baby stuff on top of all my stuff.....NO THANKS! lol So, that's going to buy me some more time. ;) Living one day at a time is good!!!
ReplyDeleteSo you know I'm going to write a book.
ReplyDeleteThe baby thing? Join the club. I'll be 26 on the 13th so I don't feel like I have NO time left, but I definately feel this intense pressure to get my crap together so that when we do have a baby I'm not in this awkward stage of life. We are still waiting, but sometimes its hard. Mainly when I see girl baby clothes. HAHA.
As for paying for school. I could write a book.. but you WILL get grants if you don't have a bachelors. They base grants off your income from the previous year. Not counting your money, but if most of that was E3 base pay.. you will get grants!! Most of the milspouses at my school go for free, espicially if they don't work and their husband is low enlisted. Fill out fasfa and see what happens. But I am 99% sure you will get a grant. But if you do go online, go through your community college not U of Phoneix or some tv school.
Ok.. back to the baby clothes. Love them. You know I do. And Im just imagining your nursery. Oh Jessie. SIGH.
Last, I am going for nursing which is way beyond my sociology and arts and crafts project scope. I was scared of failing.. but now Im just going for it. I feel like I'm 26 and I GOT THIS. I didn't feel like that at 18, so maybe going to school when older is a good thing. I KNOW I need to do this for my family. Back then, I had no concept of anything. Im rooting for you with babies (a girl!!), school, Disney and whatever else you want.
<3!!
B., You are so sweet. You always make me smile. I totally feel like school would be I GOT THIS for me also being older. In high school I just worried about drama and my boyfriend. What a waste! I plan to go to the education office soon with Cody because he is going to start school also.
ReplyDeleteYes, the baby clothes get you! Especially the girly stuff! I want a girl but would also be excited for a boy. We basically have wanted the same baby names for last 5 years, so that will be easy. lol
What would the world be with out me decorating a nursery of my own for my own baby someday!!!!!?? That would be craziness!! :)
Good Luck with school! You'll be awesome!