SOURCE
Yesterday I was fine until Cody told me that one of the guys he works with made some comment about me being such an obnoxious elitist. Let me back up a little bit. It all involves Facebook. Facebook has caused me so much drama. Just the way My Space used to 8 years ago, or whatever it was. For you that may not know, Cody and I live 1,200 miles away from our family and friends back in Ohio. We have always felt it was important to keep our Facebook pages for this reason. Over time though, we have found it really doesn't help. Once Cody and I decided to go vegan (eat a plant based diet) we were super excited about it.
I made this photo for this blog post. Cody lost so much weight in his face! He's lost over 30 pounds since switching to a plant based diet.
We shared photos of Cody where you could clearly see he had lost a lot of weight. We would post photos of us biking, another thing we really have gotten into since moving out west. More often then not we would get NEGATIVE comments about articles and links we shared about living a vegan lifestyle. I actually got into an argument on my Facebook page with a supposed friend. Defending my lifestyle and choices. He always had some smartass remarks to make. Left me comments about going hunting and eating meat. Just to push my buttons. Eventually he got sick of me defending myself and deleted me. I haven't spoke to him in about 6 months. I guess we weren't that great of friends after all. I am glad hes out of my life though, because I was sick of having my feelings hurt every time I posted something about saving the environment or not killing animals.
My DesignSo back to the whole "obnoxious elitist" comment. It all started when Cody posted a link to a story about how meat is irradiated to kill bacteria. (which is exposing the food that people eat to radiation.) I never knew about this. The entire 30 years of my life as a meat eater! Cody is actually writing a paper for a class he is taking right now about going vegan. That is why he found it and decided to share it on Facebook. Now, most the time if you don't agree with someone or something someone posts on Facebook you would just skip to the next post in your newsfeed, right? (Just like you don't have to read this if you don't want to.) Well of course someone had to leave a smartass comment about how they were getting ready to go eat some meat for lunch. Cody posted it for informational purposes, not to be rude. Cody's Facebook page is one of the only pages that I actually leave comments on. Duh, he's my husband. So I left a comment saying that I was glad I ate a simple diet and didn't have to worry about stuff like that. That somehow made me out to be an elitist. Whatever.
The next day Cody went to work and that is when this person told him how he felt about me. Of course Cody told me. I was devastated. I try to be a tuff girl, but honestly I'm the type of person who wants people to like me and I'm sensitive. I get thicker skinned with age, but I can't just let everything role off. Especially when I feel personally attacked. I cried a lot. I couldn't stop. With me though it's never just THAT THING making me cry, it builds up. I am so frustrated with everything right now that has to do with my new lifestyle. I have new beliefs and views. Then when you live away from your family and friends it's really hard because you can't "explain" yourself. I feel like I'm so jaded now and forgotten. I like face to face talks about these types of things. Email or a phone call just isn't how I want to handle it.
So I played nice. I got on Cody's Facebook page and said to this person, "I'm sorry if I offended you. We just really like to give people information about being vegan and inspiring people." I can't remember all I said, it doesn't really matter. I was nice. I even suggested that he could try some of our recipes because they are really good. I guess when I was at work all hell broke lose again on Facebook and I was told by Cody to just stay off of his page. He told me to not read any of it. I guess this person had more rude things to say to me right for everyone to see in plan view. Ironic thing also, is I was going to bake this person some vegan brownies this week. (Guess not now!) Yes I can be a bitch, but I'm also one of the nicest people you will ever meet.
SOURCE
I got on Facebook and all I saw was a huge ass paragraph that Cody had typed defending me. I feel bad for Cody because he has to work with this person. Anyways, I have no idea what was said to me or about me. It's heart breaking that people want to continue to harass us about our lifestyle and not eating animals. I honestly don't get it. Facebook doesn't make you read people's posts or make you be friends with people. You don't have to read it. If you know someone is posting stuff about saving the environment or banning plastic bags on there wall all the time and you DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF, why would you take the time to read it and leave a RUDE comment???? Get a flippin life.
I am sorry to the people who may read my blog and roll their eyes at my choice to post about being vegan. It's very hard for me to not talk about it or blog about it. Maybe in a few more years I can explain my feelings better with you. I'm just not there yet. This is a whole new life for me. All most of us want in life is happiness and acceptance. Especially from the people we talk to on a daily basis, along with family and friends. I posted on my personal Facebook page today that I planned to delete my page soon. I hated doing it. Then the comments started rolling in and private email messages. All the people that I will miss and that I don't want to lose.
SOURCE
They are right when they say don't delete my Facebook because of a few people who upset me. Especially considering that it seems to just be people that are in the Air Force and that Cody works with. I think I need to sleep on it and also hear what my lovely blog readers have to say. I just want to inspire people! When you feel so passionate about something it's hard not to talk about it openly. I stopped eating animals because I simply found it disgusting. My views and beliefs aren't rocket science to understand. Something that started out just being a food choice, turned into saving whales, recycling, getting on a bike, loving nature, wanting to sink my toes into the sand and listen to the waves of the ocean. A complete 180 degree change. I'm still me, but I'm not. It's so frustrating. I don't know the right words to use to describe the sadness I feel day after day over these things.
Oh, and reading this post made me cry also. HA!
SOURCE
Hi Jess...hm, I admire your courage to write things so personal - I'm not like that. There are a few things I would like to tell you, and I will try to put it well (as I'm not thinking in English).
ReplyDeleteThe fact is - when people are passionate about something, they talk about it all the time. It can be overwhelming for others, no matter how much they love that person. I went through that. I believe you have to be yourself, but also have to adjust to people around you. That's the greatness of mankind - ability to change willingly.
Don't let negative comments disturb you, people do that when they're feeling attacked. Don't try to be liked by everybody, it's just impossible. You're so lucky to have a husband so loving and supportive, and your clossest family... But everyone else - why do you care?
smile and be happy
Thanks Millie, you are right on many levels. People drove me crazy during the elections with all there political posts over and over on Facebook. Of course, that was like EVERYONE everyday all the time,....even I'm not that bad. ;) I like to share my experiences with people because I know other people may be going through a similar thing or hard time. I was pretty much begged to stay on Facebook and probably will. I also plan to bake this person brownies still because I think it's good karma. I hate having enemies or "drama", so that is my peace offering to him.
ReplyDeleteFacebook will be the end I swear. I don't really get it. I try and post anecdotal little stories about the mail man or my dogs just because I avoid that stuff. I have 100 friends, and I constantly review it because I want close friends involved and not people who are going to judge me for where I live or any thing that can see. People will be people, gotta ignore the trolls. I'm sorry this happened - seriously Facebook can really just bring out the worst in people, but I am still curious as to why!
ReplyDelete<3 katherine
of corgis and cocktails
I do think it's the end I swear. People think they can just say whatever they want on there. It's horrible really. Shows you how cruel people really can be. Thanks for your comment Katherine. :)
DeleteHi Jessie,
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel about FB bringing you down - I actually was seriously tempted to delete mine over the weekend as well! It's hard to pinpoint, but there is something different between Facebook and the Blogging community. People are so negative on facebook, and some people on mine like to constantly get into fights, say controversial things just to irritate people, and just be downright negative. I've gotten mad at friends so many times for saying a sarcastic comment towards something I posted. I even feel like I have been sucked in to letting out my negativity on FB before. Why is that? Maybe the blogging community is nicer, because we appreciate the time it takes for someone to set up/design a blog, write thoughtful posts and stuff. I am still thinking about deleting my facebook because going on there usually just makes me mad. I think that maybe you should consider deleting it, because I think that over the long run it will really lift a weight off your shoulders. Try to get your friends and family into Skype so you can talk to them "face to face" (that's what I got my mom to do!). And think of it this way, emails and phone calls to a loved one are more personal than facebook posts anyway. Maybe direct your family to your blog, too, or set up a photo account that you can share with them online.
I think we all have those facebook "bad apples" who like to be mean online, even if they're fine in person. It's hard to escape them unless you just delete them (which is a good idea if you can deal with the awkwardness afterwards). But it's not worth suffering and feeling like you have to hide a part of who you are because of them.
Whatever you do, stay strong, and try to choose the option that you think will eliminate the most stress and pain! Good luck.
Hi Jessie,
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing your comment on Thessaly's blog post about Facebook and I wanted to tell you, I'm with you. I have deleted my Facebook account three times, not deactivated but saved all pictures, contact info and deleted it. The first two times I stayed off for a good six months. (In fact, I have a blog post draft I'm working on about it). I've been very vocal about my feelings on Facebook, but not yet on my blog. My reasons for doing it are somewhat similar but my list is quite large and extends even further.
However, every time I deleted it I got comments from people who said they'd miss me or I would get comments saying not to go. At first, I felt guilty about it but then I thought long and hard. I'm a big supporter of good and direct communication and the way I see it, if they missed me then they'd stay in contact no matter what. I left all of my contact info up before. They did not. Not an email, phone call, etc. I even reached out. Truth be told they never really missed me because I think if they did, if they really wanted a connection they would connect. So deleting it made me realize a lot about the people I was "friends" with and those who made comments.
This third time was about a week or so ago and it's my final time. I even made a video (my first video ever- I was a nervous wreck) explaining my thoughts on Facebook and why I'm leaving. A whopping two people viewed it. I very much like those two people but if we are going to connect we will, with or without Facebook.
Know that you are not alone and don't ever apologize to the people who may roll their eyes at a vegan diet. I am becoming more and more open on my blog about a vegan diet and my feelings on it. The way I see it, I don't want people following me who will roll their eyes. It's why I recently decided to no longer partake in linkups because often we get people who are doing it to do it, just to get followers, and not because they really like your blog or what you have to say. I rather have five followers who support me or just want to listen, than hundreds who are just there and not really wanting to connect.
Anyway, I digress, I'm sorry about the drama this man caused your family, the comments he made but he is not worth your time. I'm not going to tell you what I think you should do with your Facebook account because I know you need to make the best decision for yourself. I just wanted to share my experience on it (even if just a slice of it) and let you know that you're not alone. There is a HUGE community of people fed up with Facebook, they are mainly on Google Plus now (or off all social networks). Well I could comment more on this but I don't want to repeat what I put in my post, just wanted let you know you have my support no matter what.
All the best,
Aubrey
Project Lovegood
Hi Jessie,
ReplyDeleteIt's so cool/brave that you posted about this--it is super hard to admit that people can get to us but it is so true. I love your posts about being vegan and recipes and easy ideas to be more compassionate and earth-friendly in every day life. I have never read anything on your blog that sounds 'elitist' to me; it's more like you seem to be such a down to earth, funny, easy going person!
I'm vegan too and have had the same experience with friends and family on Facebook. Things like I would post about going to visit an animal sanctuary and people would post pics of some nasty barbequed animal meat saying 'guess you didn't meet this guy there' and just mean, heartless things like that. For me, I decided to quit posting on Facebook and I hardly even look at it anymore and you know what, I don't miss it at all!
Over my years of being vegan (4 this January!), I've learned that for some reason, non-vegans get SUPER mean and defensive about veganism--it's like they want to bash you and make you feel bad/stupid about yourself and being vegan so they don't have to face what THEY are doing to animals and the planet (and their own health). In time it will be easier to ignore those people but I do know that it can hurt to lose friends and alienate family. But, you'll also see that when you leave those non-supportive people behind, you will have room for some new, awesome vegan-friendly friends!
I love the pic you posted above about speaking your truth even if your voice shakes--yay for you! Sometimes it takes a lot of strength to be yourself so just know that you are awesome!
Don't measure your self worth by what a few misinformed people think. Your life is your life, and you have the ability to live it any ways that you want to. I've been there and done that honey... And for that guy to say such uncalled for things about you on your husbands Facebook page is unacceptable. If he feels so strongly about eating meat then thats fine. But that doesn't give him the right to harass people with different views and opinions. From what you have written here it sounds like you were just stating your opinion, he was the one on the attack.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I dont think you should have to delete your face book page over this... because then they win. I've dealt with people like this all my life, they want you to change who you are and what you have by being agressive and making you feel like you're wrong. And thats how they feel better about themselves. Its a sad truth, but there are a lot of people who gain their self worth by beating others down.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but when they start force feeding it to others is where it crosses a line...
I hope that this all blows over for you doll... no one should have to be bothered with things like this.
hey girl.
ReplyDeletethe only way i can relate is i have ghetto cousins who believe fb is real life... as in, their life revolves around fb, and to me its sad. its the only thing they have going on with their lives. but i do believe people can say what ever they want on the internet. so when it comes to my activist cousins i just remove them from my wall feed... simple as that. cuz i find their posts super annoying.
and as for the vegan posts. i think it is ok for you to inform people. but if you are anything like some people i know who try to convert people and keep pushing your beliefs, and just keep trying to brain wash us on how we are killing ourselves, it cant be annoying. if your fb feed is anything like your blog, i think your not over doing it. your simply just giving info and not criticizing people who are meat eaters. also when ever you have guests over who arent vegan or vegetarian... pls have the option of at least chicken for them... do not be one of them people hahhhahahaha (i hate that) have a good day and keep your head up.
I say if it is making your life worse, hurting your relationships or anything else negative, get rid of your facebook. There are still many "old school" ways to keep in contact with your family -like phone calls, lettees, or even emails. Plus they can always read your blog :). But having a fb just "in case" it might help you keep in contact with your family is not worth hurting your health!
ReplyDeleteAnd just a little bit about change in people. When someone changes the people closest to that person are usually invested in seeing that person NOT change because the way they have always been is familiar and
comfortable and the new person they have become is scary to them because it is unknown and unfamiliar. So what I'm trying to say is, it might take quite awhile for them to adjust to the new you. But stick with it and try to wait it out until they can accept it. It won't be easy but understanding that it might be hard for them too may make it a little easier on you.
Hang in there!! :)
xo
I couldn't really believe what I was reading. I have heard from many foreigners that people in Belgium are extremely polite and even holding back a little most of the time. I guess that's a little true. I have never in my life encountered something like that. Half my family is vegetarian. With NYE, we all come together (19 people) and my grandmother makes like five different things so there will be something for everyone. Yes, jokes are being made and views are getting discussed but nothing like that. Not even with persons you don't know. I'm not really saying anything, am I? I'm just so surprised, I guess. I think it's really normal to be a vegetarian or to be vegan, probably everybody I know thinks that. I'm sorry you have to defend yourself so hard. I would bake him brownies too, just because. It shows that you are a nice person. And I hope he can just move on and appreciate everyone beliefs. Oh and Cody seems so sweet! Oh and about facebook itself, I don't think you should delete it, you can just defriend the people that are bothering you, right? At least that's what I do :) xo
ReplyDeleteJessie, this guy sounds so obnoxious. Coming from someone who has discussed veganism with you a lot in the past, I can tell you the way you educate people about veganism and express your beliefs never comes off elitist. I have come accross many obnoxious vegans in my time, you certainly aren't one of them. To me, you have come accross nothing but sweet, helpful, knowledgeable and positive. I loved your guest post on my blog about being a vegan, many of my friends and my none vegan boyfriend also read it and enjoyed your points of view!
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes none vegans get their backs up about vegans because of those extreme vegans who like to rant and rave and accuse none vegans of basically being evil. This is not the way to help people see our point of view and unfortunately leaves the rest of us open to abuse for our chosen lifestyle. Which, ironically, most of us have chosen to help make the world a better place.
Another thing is, over the internet people can read things in a certain way, that isn't always the way they've been written if you know what I mean. I guess people sometimes sense sarcasm, elitism and negativity where there's none implied. I'm not sure if this paragraph made sense, ha!
You know I'm always up for a good rant about mean carnists, give me an email any time if you need a vent!
I can not thank you all enough for your kind support and comments. You all have great advise and I plan to read over the comments many times. I think I will keeping blogging the way I do and not worry about what others think. I'd rather have have people follow me because they like me and respect my views. I'm vegan, big deal. As far as Facebook goes, I'll probably just stay off of it for awhile. The funny thing is no one ever cares about anything I post on there until I have a "mini-breakdown" and threaten to leave. It amazes me. Facebook is such a horrible thing really. Again, thanks. I just need some time. This time I feel really beat up over all this, because this isn't the first time we have been harassed by his co-workers.
ReplyDeleteI keep a Facebook page to keep up with old friends and really if I didn't have one I wouldn't be invited to any parties or my high school reunion because that seems to be the only way people communicate anymore. So I understand why you feel like you should have a page to connect with far away family and friends. I think you should keep your page... I guess just ignore all those mean comments you get about the items you post. Really, if the people are your friends and they post nasty comments them delete them all together. I would never judge someone by the food they eat. Dumbest thing ever.
ReplyDeleteSorry you are having a bad day!
Kudos to you! Hope you keep the FB page but of course, that's entirely up to you as like you've said...you're done having to deal with it. I'll still bug you on here. I could stand to lose some weight (as could most of us these days) but I'm probably too stubborn to do what you did (at this point in my life). My wife and I have joined a gym and while we don't see results on the scale, we feel much better and our clothes are so loose we're looking at new clothes. Weird to say that but it's true.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the rest of your post goes- that picture of the green bear isn't entirely accurate; they aren't...well...they don't usually give hugs. ;-)
Oh yeah, and mrfluffy = Shylo.
Just say no to Pink Walls.
Wow that guy is just rude. I'm not a vegan, but I always appreciate the information you post about it because it makes me think about my own choices. Your post about plastic bags really inspired me to start using all those reusable totes I have just hanging around. I think you do a great job sharing your points of view without making people feel you are trying to force your opinion down their throats. Some people are so close minded, you shouldn't let them get under your skin. Keep doing what you do. :)
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind to wash your cloth/reusable bags every once in a while. We uh...didn't even think about it and...um...it's amazing the vibrant colors the bags turned back into after we washed them for the first time...meaning they were practically black before. Yeah, we're disgusting.
DeleteFacebook is sooooo drama filled. I'm at the edge (Even after deleting practically everyone) of just deleting my page just because of the drama. All I do (Which I have stopped now, for this reason)is post pictures of my son for family to see since (Like your case) I don't see my family much, but of course, certain people who happen to have a child around my child's age get jealous? They think I post things to make my child look better than theirs (Which is NOT the case) I don't even talk to these people anymore due to this issue, and there goes my sons potential friend/cousins because their mom thought I was bragging about my own son. Ugh. I just don't get it really.
ReplyDeleteOn with the environment stuff...All I post is inspirational quotes and topics about how important it is to save the environment, but I get called a hippie, or extremist. No I'm not either. But I believe EVERYONE should take care of this earth. We only have one. I worry for my sons future, and for his future children. What will they have if society doesn't change? The smallest changes make the biggest difference. I'm sorry if that bothers people.
~Ama